Counter-Psychology.

Now Playing: Warp 1977 - Bloody Beetroots.

So it’s been awhile since I came back to Tumblr. I’m currently sitting in a Netcafe contemplating, as per usual, my life and how it’s going thus far. I can honestly say that through the ups and downs, I’m rather happy with myself and my actions. I am progressing further on the road and I’m learning new things and honing my current skills as well.

It has just hit Midnight on Valentine’s Day as I began typing this and I am already trying to figure out what I will do from here onwards. I am always thinking, always vigilant and always mindful of my actions. Always.

At this point, I’m in my new place. It’s in the heart of the City. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t have the internet connected until a few days from now, so this Netcafe is to suffice until then. I live in the apartment with my best mate, he’s cool. I also work 3 jobs, soon to be a possible 4 if all goes to plan. My music tastes have expanded further, and I can’t stop listening to this Bloody Beetroots song. I do recommend for those that love expanding their tastes. This is a mix of screamo metal and techno, try it out.

I might as well take it from the top.

- Part 1 -

New Years Eve was definitely NOT what I had planned. I wasn’t feeling the best at work and it started to show on the way home. When I got home, I dosed up on Panadol and it mixed with the alcohol I had at work, giving me a temporary high, cancelling out my sickness. It wasn’t until my friends went home that I started to realise it; it was going to be a rough start. I was right, it was very rough. On the 2nd of January, I was hospitalized.

My fever hit 40+ degrees celsius, I was delirious, shivering and I couldn’t eat or drink. I was dosed up on more meds and IV fed for 2 hours until I stabilized. Funnily enough, the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. First they said it was Pneumonia, then downgraded it to Glandular Fever. By the time I got better, it was classed as “some fucked up Virus”. Cheers for all the support, Doc.

It gave me time to think. I had no voice so I couldn’t talk to anyone at all during the 2 week period. All I could do, was wallow in my thoughts and ponder my next move. So it came to be, I would properly choose my New Years Resolution. My New Years Resolution would be to couple with my usual “Don’t Trust ANYONE.” This time however, I had to approach life a little differently. And it was at that point I decided on my New Years Resolution.

My Resolution is to get back all the time I have lost with myself. To regain all hope that dwindled and faded away over those years. To reclaim my sanity, my morality and my tenacity. To accomplish all my goals and instead of breaking even, smashing the target.

I will not falter.

- Part 2 -

As I stated before, it just ticked over Midnight on Valentine’s Day. While sitting here in this Netcafe I’ve come to realise a few things about Valentine’s Day. There are way too many ways to approach this day. I’ll list them. These all my interpretations, none of them are taxed.

- Cliche: It’s all about love, roses and couples. If you haven’t got a partner, find one. Alternatively, you can use this day as an excuse to FINALLY ask out that special someone that you have been too chickenshit to say anything too for the past however long it’s been.

- The Hallmark Holiday: Valentine’s Day is just a stupid holiday created by Hallmark in order to create a competitive market for them to monopolize the card market in a time frame that is between Christmas and Easter.

- Bitter: Fuck Valentine’s Day. I’ll never be loved any other day and I sure as fuck do not need your annoying pissant attempt of a sympathy vote wrapped in a cute little card that pretty much says, “Bad luck kid, must suck being ugly.”

- Happy Fuck Day: I have alot of love to give. I’m going to give it to alot of people.

- Indifferent: They actually celebrate love? Isn’t that what marriage is for? Who cares anyway, it’s just another reason to get free shit.

Now I go back to wondering, how will I approach it? I can safely say I’m very indifferent about Valentine’s Day. I call it V-Day most of the time anyway, because I don’t take it seriously enough to call it by it’s full name. I’ve never had a stable valentine. I sort of had one in high school, but it didn’t exactly go too well. I’ve semi shunned the idea of V-Day. I’m not bitter about it. I would rather just wait until Valentine’s Day becomes a little more interesting than just a bunch of roses, a card, a teddy bear, heart candies, the overuse of red and pink, and the term “I love you” thrown in once in awhile.

Call it unreasonable, but I just hope that V-Day becomes what it is supposed to be. A show of one’s true love and feelings. At present, it has become commercial and very trivial.

That’s my life until this moment.

I have many plans ahead.

I will continue to accomplish my goals, stomp my way into the fray and charge my way out the other side.

No matter what happens, I will fight my way up the stairwell of contemplation.

AKS.