Counter-Psychology.

Now Playing: The Scorpion - Megadeth

As I climb onto your back
I will promise not to sting.
I will tell you what you want to hear
And not mean anything.

Then I’ll treat you like a dog,
As I shoot my venom in.
You’ll pretend you didn’t know,
that I am the Scorpion.

It really is amazing how much of a sting denial is.

…

Today, I sit here and I wonder to myself what I’ve done. I feel that I sit here and wait, then wait some more, for some unspeakable reason that I am unable to fathom.

But then again, today, I asked myself that same question. The answer came partially, so I am still at a loss as to whether or not I can progress without understanding this more. I can’t fathom, nor understand, one question that has been on my lips for a long time. I rock back and forth on the subject while I type more and more. I see it all before, the characteristics that cause people to go backwards in this world. The characteristics that cause an individual to stain their minds with deceit, denial and stupidity. To think, it all starts with one question.

That question is: “What is a friend?”

Today, I came to realise that I am unable to answer this question, because every time I think about it, I get more questions.

Do I deserve these “friends” I have?
Are they even friends?
What kind of friends are they?
What do they do for me?
What do I do for them?
Would they have my back in any situation?
What defines a true friend instead of a friend?
Is the term friend distorted by fact of association?

The cycle is endless and I am unable to understand why people act the way they do. Especially to their friends. I am unable to fathom the actions of people on any medium. Whether it’s the internet, and having “e-friends”, or just acquaintances, friends you had at school, friends you’ve made at work. As I look over my questions I come to determine underlying factors of each question. As an example, I re-read “Do I deserve these ‘friends’ I have?” and wonder how much of a double-edged sword the question is. Do I deserve to be treated the way I’m treated?

I’m sitting here, and I’m going in circles with the whole thing. I believe the ideal of a friend has been pushed too far. People in general have way too many “double standards”, and this is reflected in the way they treat specific friends. You can’t even call it playing favourites, the whole system is flawed. An incident occurred today, where a bunch of friends and e-friends were involved, and it seriously made me re-think who I have respect for in this world.

The basic of it is, a bunch of friends don’t like this particular e-friend of ours and refuse to play with him. However, instead of talking to the bloke about it, they just ignore him, segregate him and talk about him behind his back. I’ve told them a few times that there is nothing wrong with the kid, he means well and isn’t a hassle to anyone, especially not to me. Today, the segregation was taken way too far. If anyone’s familiar with Ventrilo, they created a separate channel, the title implying that they were hiding from this guy, because apparently to them, he’s some kind of monster. I couldn’t believe how childish my so called friends were. Two of them especially are going for defence force jobs and it just looks so uncouth and disgraceful knowing that these 2 people take part in representing a country that believes in acceptance and multiculturalism. They segregated this kid, and I was furious. I couldn’t believe that these so called “friends” of mine were so childish and fickle.

None of them want to front up about it either, a whole bunch of nerd-rage was thrown out and I simply replied with, “Grow the fuck up. This isn’t a fucking schoolyard. You’re not in high school anymore with your idiotic gossip and stupid pranks.” And again, no one fronted up for anything, instead I got blamed for it. My own friends told me it was my fault that this shit started, and have been egging at me all day about anything possible just to drive me insane.

Some good came out of it though, the victim (so to speak) of this shit came to me and thanked me for sticking up for him, saying that he didn’t believe someone online would say such things. While I’m flattered, it instantly made me think about the people around me and the choices I’ve made while believing and relying on these people. I would never go as far as to trust people, and this is one of those moments where I’m glad I don’t.

I’m at the end of my line for idiots and immature shit. I do not want to grasp and be subjected to hypocritical bullshit then be blamed for it. As an individual, one is able to make their own decisions, not be swayed by ANYONE.

The people around you are designed to advise, not guide.
The people around you are designed to navigate, not steer.
The people around you are designed to show you the doors, not push you through one.

You have a choice. You can make decisions. If right now, you’re reading this, take 10 seconds to lean back in your seat, close your eyes, take a deep breath, inhale, exhale and realise that it is infact you choosing to breathe manually. Not Jack, not Steve, not Tom, Dick, Harry, Dianne, Charlene or Queen Elizabeth. You are your own person. Be you. You have your own shadow, so don’t stand in someone else’s just because they tell you to.

I figure once an individual hits 18 (the legal age to drink, the so called “day of growing up”) the amount of stupid things that a person does would begin to decrease, and the amount of good and better decisions would rise. However, lately all I’m seeing is people living in denial. They are denying their past, present and future, and are assuming the double-life where they can fake it and lie about everything, just because it feels good at the time. Your insecurities are yours to be faced, don’t just litter them around like garbage and expect someone else to clean it up for you.

Denial is the notion that in all sections of your mind, you lack character. While lacking character, you begin to deny and deteriorate any form of hope that you should be taken seriously. Denial is an illusion used by the feeble-minded to cheat themselves into thinking that the lies will solve the problem. Denial is a trump-card used by the needy to trick fiction and make it become a pseudo-reality for such people.

If you are denying the truth, you are denying your own future.
If you are denying the truth, you are denying your own presence.
If you are denying the truth, you are denying your own existence.
If you are denying the truth, you are denying your own character.

If you are denying the truth, you are denying your own will to live as an individual.

The people of today appear to slowly be failing as a society. Those with any shred of moral decency are becoming lost in the fray of social insecurity and lack of adaptivity. No one wants to progress, they’d rather take drugs and sit there in denial (again with the fucking denial), believing that everything in their life is perfect while they forget that any tether of hope is being snapped like a cheap skipping rope.

I am sitting on the steps and watching the people walk by, wondering if any soul can be saved from it’s own insecurities, it’s own denial, or at worst, it’s own inability to accept change. I will watch, observe and attempt to understand further.

So from the stairwell, I will continue observing. I see it all with my 2 eyes, the truth.
The inevitable truth. The truth of characteristics. The truth of my future as an individual.

I continue to walk, to find the truth.

AKS.