Counter-Psychology.

Now Playing: 4:AM Forever - Lostprophets.

Today was like any other ordinary day. Suffice to say, it was simple, featured me, some mates, and a night out. We went out to “Hot Damn”, some party at a club on Oxford Street, pretty decent for a Thursday night. Aside from it being a nightmare trying to get drinks, the DJ’s playing the same songs twice by accident (on a couple of occasions mind you) and all the girls either being as stiff as cardboard or having horrid (and I mean DISGUSTING) tastes in men on the night, it was actually quite enjoyable. All the mates met up, had a few drinks, had a few laughs and that was that.

That’s not why I’m writing this though. I want to note down what I thought on the walk home. As usual, when I’m walking alone (as I seem to do alot) I tend to think about how my life is, or how my life has been. My mind begins to wander into the abyss of my memories. However, this time was different. I found that I was not at all impacted by how troubled my past had been, and nothing at present was making me wonder if I had made the right choice.

It had then occurred to me that something had changed, and I started to pick at my mind and soul until I could figure out what it was. I naturally began to think deeply, to things that had plagued me terribly at times when I walked alone. This time, nothing, I could not find it in me to care about my past anymore, nor to feel angst in anyway. I could not find it in me to hate anyone around me, for anything, no matter how dear.

I still couldn’t put my finger on it, I laughed all the way home while thinking about it. Even when I saw two cats trying to kill each other on the main road, it made me think even more so. I couldn’t understand it until I got on MSN, and spoke to my friend Stephanie. She said something that made it all fall into place.

(3:34 AM) Evz: On the walk home, I started thinking and funnily enough, for the first time in awhile I wasn’t weighed down by my thoughts.
(3:35 AM) Evz: I didn’t feel sad knowing that I went home alone tonight.
(3:35 AM) Evz: I didn’t feel sad knowing that my best friends had left me over the past week.
(3:35 AM) Evz: I didn’t feel sad knowing that some things are out of reach for a reason.
(3:35 AM) Stephanie: That’s good.
(3:36 AM) Stephanie: I hate to poke the sleeping lion, but I wonder why you were able to not be plagued by them?
(3:36 AM) Evz: Because that’s the exact reason
(3:36 AM) Evz: I’m not a sleeping lion anymore.
(3:36 AM) Evz: I’m an awake Beast that is still capable of being human.
(3:36 AM) Stephanie: So, you’re free?

That was it. It all fell into place. I am free. A free mind. A free soul. I am able to walk peacefully, even if I am alone, I am still happy. I don’t have to miss what I left behind, and I never will. If I ever had the chance to go back, I would never change it. Not ever, and I am happy for that.

Every memory one has, is an experience that should be remembered. For all character building purposes, we are given choices. Fate gives us choices. We choose a path (and thus direct our Fate from there) and walk along it, taking in all the experiences and remember the lessons we have learnt.

I think this is the start of many great things. This is another step towards a better future. I can feel it.

And I will continue to walk up the Stairwell of Contemplation.

AKS.